KFC’s new Double Down sandwich is already getting some early buzz across the Internet. This is pretty impressive considering that the sandwich is only available in two test markets. I first heard about the Double Down from a caller on Tom Scharpling’s The Best Show, and since then media coverage of the new sandwich has greatly increased.
For those who don’t know what the Double Down sandwich is, I’ll explain. Basically KFC took a chicken breast, slapped Swiss cheese on it, then some pepper jack cheese, then some bacon, then smothered it all in “Colonel’s Sauce,” before topping it off with another fried chicken breast. The result is something an escaped mental patient might make from things he finds in your fridge.
Will this new Double Down sandwich help or hurt KFC? Read more to find out.
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The new Double Down sandwich will do well because people are fascinated by gambling and things that remind them of gambling. That movie “Rounders” is popular for the exact same reason. You could argue that the movie is popular because it stars Matt Damon, Edward Norton, and John Malkovich and co-stars Famke Janssen, John Turturro, and Martian Landau, but that’s all a bunch of bullshit. If the same actors had starred in a movie called “Rounders” about a pizza shop, no one would have watched it.
Hurt
People may like gambling when it has to do with poker chips and casinos, but people don’t like to gamble with their hearts.
Heart: Take me to KFC so I can double down.
Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, it’s fun to joke about, but you don’t really want to risk that thing. Look at it, it looks like something Abe Vigoda coughs up in the morning.
Heart: What, you don’t think I can handle it?
Me: No, you can’t handle it. Ok? Let’s go somewhere else.
Heart: What do you mean I can’t handle it? Remember the Black Stack? No problem.
Me: You were young then, we weren’t sexually active, you can’t live on the edge like that anymore.
Heart: I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You have to squeeze every second out of life. Look at you, all washed up and afraid of a little sandwich. You’ve gotta double down. Double down. Dou ble down. DOU BLE DOWN. DOU BLE DOWN. DOU BLE DOWN DOU BLE DOWN DOUBLE DOWN DOUBLE DOWN DOUBLE DOWN DOUBLE DOWN…
Me: SOMETIMES I WISH YOU WOULD JUST STOP BEATING
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People seem to be happy with the rest of KFC’s menu. The Double Down sandwich is just an evolution of this menu. And the Double Down sandwich introduces consumers to “Colonel’s Sauce,” which, based on the success of his original recipe seasoning, should be a delicious hit.
Hurt
Consumers will see this new Double Down sandwich as something thrown together from dropped scrap pieces of other KFC menu items. Given how classy KFC usually is with their food presentation, I’m surprised the Double Down sandwich isn’t served in a faux dust pan with a written disclaimer that every sandwich is different based on what other people order and the clumsiness of the employees on hand.
And “Colonel’s Sauce,” Really? They couldn’t have gone with KFC Sauce or Double Down Sauce? No one wants to eat sauce named after a single person. When I bite into my Double Down and the “Colonel’s Sauce” drips down my chin, I don’t want to envision the colonel hunched over a row of test-tubes in some shadowy lab, breathing hard, his mustache all droopy with sweat.
There’s also the obvious joke that “Colonel’s Sauce” could refer to the Colonel’s semen. But if that was the case, the sandwich would be named more appropriately — The Fuck Melt or The Colonel’s Southern Friction Nutter Crisp.
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People love KFC chicken, and the real draw of the Double Down sandwich is that people get to experience two slices of delicious KFC chicken in a portable, delectable sandwich. I’ve never heard someone complain about having more than one piece of KFC chicken, but I have heard people complain about too much bun and not enough meat. In regards to sandwiches, of course.
Hurt
I agree that people must love KFC based solely on the fact that KFC continues to sell chicken even with the current ad they have running on their website. This ad has people dancing around holding two pieces of chicken, pieces of chicken that they alternate biting. It’s like dancing for crack addicts. If the pieces of chicken were replaced by two Snickers bars, the ad could be a shocking public service ad on The National Drug Control Policy website. Here’s a little screencap.
That's gotta be some good chicken
Look at her! She’s in the process of biting one piece, but is already planning her attack on the other piece. Her eyes are locked on it so it doesn’t run away, like all the men in her life.
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That last one wasn’t a rebuttal. I had hope for America before I saw the ad on KFC’s website. If dancing around holding pieces of chicken is a successful way to get people to come into your chicken restaurant, the Double Down sandwich will break every sales record KFC holds.
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