I recently read a strange press release from the makers of Nude Vodka, a vodka that I’m assuming comes wrapped in air instead of a bottle. Or maybe most bottles of vodka ship wearing trousers? I obviously don’t drink much vodka.
Anyway, this press release was written by a very excited Nude Vodka team to announce that Hall of Fame Quarterback John Elway will join the Nude Spirits Advisory Board.
The strange thing about this press release is that football doesn’t really have anything to do with vodka, unless we are talking about “Russian football” also called “Slavonic Ice Ball.” John Elway is a successful business owner, and that’s mentioned in the press release, but the eye-catching title stresses that Elway completed a lot of passes.
If I was the head of Nude Spirits, I never would have released a press release announcing that John Elway the quarterback was joining my company. I’d be too worried that investors would see the press release and think I duped them.
Investor: “Hall of fame quarterback John Elway? They told me this company sold vodka. I CAN’T GO BACK TO GAMBLING ON SPORTS.”
I’d also be worried that people would think my company just hired some famous football player to use his name while they pay him to sit around drunk all day, making impossible trashcan-trickshots with rolled up pieces of printer paper.
But the damage is already done. The press release is already out there. Nude Vodka has no choice but to play up this superbowl-winning-quarterback thing. They could start by putting up some big John Elway billboards.
Is anyone else getting thirsty?
No wonder he's in the hall of fame.
The next thing Nude Spirits needs to do is throw some charity event. Elway needs to get drunk and see if he can put a football through a tire swing for Feline Leukemia or something. If he misses, Nude Spirits can come out with another press release about how John Elway didn’t even know he was drunk because Nude Vodka goes down so smooth.
For Nude Spirits’s sake, I hope this isn’t the start of them hiring an assortment of retired celebrities to come work on Nude Vodka. I’m not saying that Mike Tyson and Randy “Macho Man” Savage don’t know anything about vodka, because, let’s face it, they must. But a drunk John Elway throwing bottles of Nude Vodka to an equally drunk Randy Savage while a weeping Mike Tyson punches the crushed-lava-rock machine can’t be good for business.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Are you joking me? Obviously you are not a football fan (or if you are, you must be a Raider fan), you must be so desperate for web traffic and searching for the invisible internet dollar by selling your captured internet visitor’s information to spammers, and obviously know nothing about REAL business or marketing. You know what they say about opinions… they are like a$$holes, everyone’s got them! But you know what, this world needs all kinds of people to make it rotate, and I commend you for who you are. You could have easily been flipping burgers for a living. In my opinion, you may be better suited for that! (I know, refer to my earlier comment) It seems to me someone didn’t get enough attention from their Momma, and feels the need to sink to ridiculous levels of what I guess you consider humor to find what you have been missing. Good luck buddy, you need it! Let’s see where you are in a couple of years.
The Importance of Spinning a Headline
http://mediabane.com/the-importance-of-spinning-a-headline/
Thank you for your comment, Mark.
I am, in fact, joking you. But I appreciate you asking the question, even a question that many might view as “stupid.” Asking stupid questions is better than suffering alone without an answer.
Actually, I’m a huge football fan. Who doesn’t enjoy drinking alcohol out of the ol’ pig skin?
Is there any more you can tell me about capturing my visitor’s information and then selling it for profit? It sounds quite complicated, and I’m afraid the start-up cost for the physical netting apparatus may be too high.
Unfortunately, I can’t seem to locate your earlier comment. Did it have something to do with your experience in the fast food industry? I’d love to know if you ever had the chance to meet Dave Thomas.
Thanks again for the comment, Mark. Keep reading Mediabane!
-Bryan Sharp
I have a picture of John Boy at his Denver used car dealership. I wasn’t able to paste it in this box. I also have a great one for your “Dancing With The Stars” Tom DeLay debacle. I can paste them into an email if you give me an address. You’re doing “great stuff” I like it.
Thanks,
Reuben in Denver
Somebody told me that I HAD to try Nude vodka. When I asked why, they told me it was owned by superstar John Elway. And so, after one small search, I found this. I like it and I especially loved the Mark Howell response. I almost think you made it up so as to create some conflict for your readers. That would have been extra clever. There is NO WAY someone would get so pissed because you’re dissing some marketing strategy. No way.
Well done.