Tips On Advertising Your Homemade Furry Sex Doll

Say what you want about people who enjoy having sex with stuffed animals, at least they’re bold enough to follow their dreams. Some would say that these dreams are the easiest to achieve out of all dreams as all you need is a stuffed animal with a hole in it. I tend to agree with those people.

Yesterday, someone sent me a link to a special section of the Teddy Babes website, a section that sells custom-made plush sex dolls that look like something Doctor Moreau would keep in the back of his closet. These plushy animals are created by a company called Angel Paws. The name suggests a religious connotation. So if these things are walking around heaven, I’m not going.

Unfortunately for Angel Paws, they aren’t doing a very good job of advertising their product. Readers know that I always attempt to reach out to other cultures, so I will provide a few tips to help Angel Paws’s advertising.

Change The Website Address

The web address for Angel Paws is http://www.milliondollarcontract.com/main2.htm. People who click on a website called “million dollar contract” expect to see stuffed animal sex toys, but they also expect their computers to immediately explode. Also, no one is signing any kind of contract to have sex with a polyester animal, unless we count the one you sign with your soul, and that’s worth a lot more than a million dollars.

But the worst part about that url is that it does nothing to help sell the product. I suggest changing the website address to something like “PlungeIntoPlush.com” or “ICanOnlyOrgasmFromFrictionFromSyntheticFibers.com” Notice the alliteration in the middle of that last url.

Adjust Some Product Attributes

I’m no expert when it comes to having sex with things that are unable to sign restraining orders, so I might be missing the mark with these suggestions. But I do think it is important to vary Angel Paws’s product line by offering very different sex-imals.

Right now, Angel Paws sells Giselle The Bunny and Tara The Cheetah. I guess rabbits and cheetahs are the most desirable animals, which makes sense because rabbits are known for their high sex drives and cheetahs are known for their ability to camouflage when your mom comes in to gather up the laundry. Angel Paws also offers custom options for people who want to have sex with certain animals, like Timon from “The Lion King” or Cousin Itt from “The Adams Family.”  Cousin Itt might not be a practical choice because you risk using up all your energy before locating the entry point.

But regardless of Angel Paws’s custom options, Giselle and Tara represent the line and have very similar physical attributes. The biggest concern I have is how both Giselle and Tara come equipped with enormous breasts. This is probably good for most customers because it creates a logical reason why both a rabbit and cheetah can’t outrun them, even with the customers’ pants around their ankles. But I think there are enough people out there who enjoy small-breasted stuffed animals to warrant one of each.

Change Some Copy

I’m not a big fan of beating customers over the head with overly obvious website copy, especially in this case. The way I figure it, if someone goes through the trouble of searching for a stuffed animal sex doll, they’ve already sold most of their possessions to fund a gigantic paper-mache habitat. Any buzz-words on the page might only distract them.

I recommend that the text “plush girlfriends for boys too BIG for teddy bears” is removed from the Angel Paws product page. I understand that this is the tag line for Teddy Babes, but they sell plush women, not animals. The idea that someone is too big to fuck a teddy bear may be offensive to some customers who were probably planning on fucking teddy bears.

There is also a little sun-burst on the Angel Paws page that states “once you go plush, you never go back!” This might be terrifying for some potential customers. The idea that they won’t be able to go back to a time where they aren’t scrubbing dried semen off a satin puma vagina might be too much for them to handle. The moment before dropping seven hundred dollars on a fuckable cotton animal is delicate.

Conclusion

I think Angel Paws could have a hit on their hands, depending on the laws in certain states. Most of the advertising mistakes are easy to fix as they are mistakes made by many new companies. After a few tweaks, the staff at Angel Paws can get back to doing what they love — double-stitching the seams of fleece vaginas.

Tagged as: furry, furry sex doll