You are what you eat, which is why I’ve been eating nothing but imported Care Bears for the past ten years. I should be able to shoot some kind of power beam out of my chest any day now. The next person who laughs at my elven facial features is in for a nasty surprise. Note: eating Care Bears can lead to elven facial features.

But what would happen if I only ate vegetables? Would I be able to self pollinate? Would rabbit attacks become a very real and dangerous threat? According to this ad from the International Vegetarian Union, that’s exactly what would happen.

It’s official — I’m off ginger. Look at it clogging up the place where feces are supposed to fester. Have you ever tried to pass a ginger root? Those little knobs all over each root aren’t pleasure enhancers.

What happened to this person’s arms? Were they made out of big carrots until the person got so hungry from eating nothing but ginger and tomatoes that he gnawed his own arms off? If so, where are the carrots on the inside? This thing isn’t very accurate.

I’m a little concerned that my own lungs don’t look as healthy as the lungs in the ad. The person in the ad is obviously a non-smoker, or those lungs would be made out of marijuana or tobacco leaves. Marijuana’s a vegetable, right? THEN WHY HAVE I BEEN SPRINKLING IT ON MY SALADS?!?!

The main point of this ad is to convince people that “vegetables are all your body needs.” But wasn’t there a House episode where a guy had a bulb of garlic lodged in his throat and House made some joke like “at least we know he’s not a vampire” before hitting the guy on the back of the neck with his cane to dislodge the bulb. And then House used the bulb of garlic to make baked ziti for Wilson? Because in that case, a vegetable almost killed someone.

~Thanks Boing Boing

image flickred by sbocaj