Capitalizing on the “Green” advertising revolution is currently a popular trend. By properly using buzz-words like “eco,” “Green,” “drinkable water,” and “the sun,” it’s possible to get environmentally-concerned people excited about a variety of products.

I’ve been observing “Green” advertising for a while, and I put together some tips for that company unsure about taking advantage of this highly profitable type of marketing.

Use Those Quotation Marks

Did you notice how I put “Green” in quotation marks up there? This is the most important rule for a new “Green” ad campaign to follow. Putting “Green” in quotes has a couple benefits. The first benefit is that it shows people that “Green” is a reference to the environmental movement and not the last name of some football player. Secondly, quotation marks make the word “Green” look like it’s sweating from the pure heat of the sun. And things that spend more time in the sun are automatically better than something that spends all his time indoors hunched over a keyboard listening to Our Lady Peace while his lifeguard neighbor has a car, slender calves, and a 401k.

Work In The Color Green

This might be hard for companies selling products that aren’t already colored green, but studies have shown that a green-colored product combined with environmental slang can skyrocket sales. For example, if your company sells lettuce, slapping “Green” on a lettuce ad might sell consumers who initially planned to just find a field full of grass.

Let’s try a visual example using a popular American product — Coke

Here’s how effective a Coke ad is with just the word “Green” added

Open The Rainforest

I don’t know about you, but I feel like drinking an entire ocean full of Coke. Coke needs to drain the Atlantic and then refill it with Coke. Based on the above ad, I’m convinced that an ocean full of Coke is the ideal environment for sea life.

Now here’s a coke ad with both the word “Green” and the color green.

Open THE EARTH

Incredible. I think we just reincarnated the Dodo. For my readers who don’t believe in reincarnation — Jesus drank a bunch of coke and decided to give the Dodo another shot.

Flaunt The Use Of Natural Ingredients

Environmentalists love products that use natural ingredients. Unfortunately, not many companies stress this in their advertising.

If you can answer “yes” to the following question, the product you produce already contains a natural ingredient.

1). At any time during the manufacturing of your product does your product come in contact with the air?

If you answered “yes,” you’re ready to go. Boom. Done. Slap a “this product contains natural ingredient(s)” sticker on your ad so people think you save polar bears or use honeysuckle fronds or something.

Some people might think that listing air as a natural ingredient is cheating. Look, if you feel this way, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s hard to make stuff from natural ingredients. Ever try making a microwave out of bear-claws? First I tried real bear-claws, but the few that broke off in my torso after repeated harvesting attempts were no where near enough to construct a microwave. And do you know what a microwave made out of bear-claw pastries is? It’s a pile of pastries with the bowl of soup I tried to heat up wedged in the middle.

Don’t Forget Recycled Materials

Another great tip for successful “Green” advertising is to use recycled materials in your product or product’s packaging. “Green” conscious consumers love using recycled objects. There are some places in the country where you can drop a used Q-tip and someone will snatch it up before it even touches the ground. Please don’t try this with Q-Tip the rapper, as the results are completely different.

I have a billion-dollar idea that involves recycling used condoms into packaging and raw latex. The way I figure it, most of the semen will engineer away when whatever company turns the recycled latex into bread bags or baby shoes or toothbrush bristles. I haven’t crunched the numbers, but most of the STDs should die in the manufacturing process.

Impregnate your teeth with whiteness

It is possible a “recycled material” strategy to backfire. I think we all remember the failure of Pepsi’s Summer Mix. Consumers quickly caught on that Pepsi was just sweeping all their spilt cola into the vat marked “Summer Mix.” Most people won’t trust something that is 100% recycled, and, in Pepsi’s case, no one trusts something that tastes 100% recycled.

Conclusion

“Green” marketing is an exciting chance for companies to sell more products and please more consumers. If the above steps are followed, there’s no reason your sales won’t double or triple. If you use the above techniques and your sales quadruple, one of your employees made a deal with the devil. Find and kill that employee.