Seasonique Birth Control – the Pill Asking the Tough Questions

In the Seasonique “RePunctuate Your Life” birth control pill commercial, several women are finally standing up to the shadowy figure responsible for the global law requiring twelve periods a year. Because of the actions of Seasonqiue and these brave women, the “Who Says” revolution is flowing across America and the globe.

The only problem I can see for the future of this revolution is the lingering question of who actually says women have to have twelve periods a year.  Who are we fighting against? Who’s responsible?

Jesus

Sure, Jesus is a likely candidate. He’s had a cross to bear against women for centuries. Remember how Eve was made from Adam’s rib? While Adam was tearing his rib off, Jesus probably decided to double down.

Jesus: “Adam, stop clawing at yourself for a second.”

Adam: “it hurts it hurts it hurts..”

Jesus: “At first I thought women would be insulted enough when they found out they were made from the rib of such a naked pussy, but now I’m not sure.”

Adam: “owie owie owie owie”

Jesus: “Great idea, Adam.  Twelve times a year I’ll make them bleed out of those holes where a penis is supposed to go. That’s a double entendre.”

Adam: “I’ve been sticking my penis in the ground over by that tree.”

Jesus: “….”

It must really piss Jesus off that women have reached the point of rebellion against the number of periods they have a year. Soon women will want equal pay for equal work and voting rights.   …It has been pointed out to me that women already have the right to vote.  Don’t tell Jesus.

Corporate America

It makes sense. Look how many companies profit from periods:

-Tampax

-Midol

-Bedford/St. Martin from the Rules for Writers series

-Trojan

-Google’s Adwords from the following keyword searches “can i get pregnant during my period”, “can a girl get pregnant during her period”, “can a girl have sex during her period”, “can i get aids from drinking menstrual blood”

-Pampers

-Budweiser

-Maxi

-Duracel

It could be argued that if Corporate America is behind the monthly period, Seasonique is part of the problem and not the leader we need.  The Seasonqiue brand is owend by the Duramed Pharmecutical corporation, but Seasonique’s goals seem to be totally against those of the other corporations on my list.  For example, in the RePunctuate Your Life commercial, one of the women make a point to explain that having a period once every three months equals four periods a year.

This is an effort to convert uneducated TV viewers who either don’t know how many months are in a year or who can’t count to four. This part of society uses almost all of the items made by the companies on my list with the obvious exceptions of The Rules of Writers and The Internet.  Seasonique is definitely with us.

The Uterus

I’m not a doctor, but I once rode really fast in an ambulance. It has been known for years that the Uterus craves baby eggs and excretes blood as a by product. Here’s a helpful illustration from a medical book with lots of facts and words.

The Uterus’s constant yearning for fresh eggs gives it more than enough reason to support twelve-periods-a-year legislation

Also, for my younger readers, and since I brought it up above, a baby is made when an egg manages to sneak past the Uterus’s chomping maw and get lodged in the Uterus’s throat.  The egg then hatches and grows, feeding off the Uterus like a parasite until bursting forth to freedom.

The more I examine the three candidates above, the more I think that the force responsible for twelve periods a year could be any one of them. Since Jesus doesn’t have a Uterus and there isn’t a single Uterus in Corporate America,  I doubt anyone is working together..

What do you guys think?

Tagged as: comedy, seasonique, tv commercial