I just moved to Philadelphia a week or so ago, and I’ve developed this bad habit of scouring the local news looking for terrible stories about drugs, sex, and violence. I’m not really paranoid or anything; I’d just like to better relate to some of my neighbors. For example, what kind of person takes a dump in the middle of a sidewalk on a Snickers wrapper? Did the person think that shitting on a Snickers wrapper was somehow better than shitting on the bare sidewalk? Personally, I would have used the Snickers wrapper to wipe. But I’m new here, so who am I to judge? Maybe the person was really angry at the Mars corporation. “THIS CHOCOLATE BAR DID NOTHING FOR MY HUNGER. MY ONLY RECOURSE IS TO FILL ITS SKIN WITH MY LEAVINGS.”
Today’s news search netted an interesting story about a man who was just sentenced to life in prison for advertising, transporting, receiving, and possessing child pornography. Everything about the story seems normal (they caught the guy for dealing in child porn and put him away) except for the “advertising” part of his conviction. How do you advertise child pornography?
And, more importantly, how was this guy not caught sooner if he was actively advertising pornography? The cops should have grabbed him the first time someone turned in a flier with a picture of a baby trying to figure out how to put batteries into a vibrator.
The delayed arrest must have been because this guy was smoother than that. Maybe he only dealt in extremely subtle guerrilla advertising.
“Look, Honey. Someone put this Kmart ad in our door. Hmm, they’re having a ‘Back to Preschool Sale’ where you can put ‘fresh’ swingsets on layaway.”
“Stu? Is that ‘R-o-m-a-n P-o-l-a-n-s-k-i’ spelled out with baby rattles in the Arby’s parking lot? Is that someone’s email address?”
This story does make me question the definition of “advertising.” This guy obviously wasn’t advertising child porn in a way that we traditionally call advertising, but I’m guessing that him possessing it and sharing it with a group of people was enough for the prosecutors to add an advertising charge. The story doesn’t go into any detail about the advertising, so we’re left to wonder.
But in all seriousness, I’m glad they caught this guy. For all I know, he could be the one who shit on that Snickers wrapper. Unfortunately, the wrapper was too covered in feces for me to see the expiration date and determine the bar’s age.
Philadelphia Man Sentenced To Life For Advertising Child Pornography
by Bryan Sharp on September 10, 2009 · 0 comments
I just moved to Philadelphia a week or so ago, and I’ve developed this bad habit of scouring the local news looking for terrible stories about drugs, sex, and violence. I’m not really paranoid or anything; I’d just like to better relate to some of my neighbors. For example, what kind of person takes a dump in the middle of a sidewalk on a Snickers wrapper? Did the person think that shitting on a Snickers wrapper was somehow better than shitting on the bare sidewalk? Personally, I would have used the Snickers wrapper to wipe. But I’m new here, so who am I to judge? Maybe the person was really angry at the Mars corporation. “THIS CHOCOLATE BAR DID NOTHING FOR MY HUNGER. MY ONLY RECOURSE IS TO FILL ITS SKIN WITH MY LEAVINGS.”
Today’s news search netted an interesting story about a man who was just sentenced to life in prison for advertising, transporting, receiving, and possessing child pornography. Everything about the story seems normal (they caught the guy for dealing in child porn and put him away) except for the “advertising” part of his conviction. How do you advertise child pornography?
And, more importantly, how was this guy not caught sooner if he was actively advertising pornography? The cops should have grabbed him the first time someone turned in a flier with a picture of a baby trying to figure out how to put batteries into a vibrator.
The delayed arrest must have been because this guy was smoother than that. Maybe he only dealt in extremely subtle guerrilla advertising.
“Look, Honey. Someone put this Kmart ad in our door. Hmm, they’re having a ‘Back to Preschool Sale’ where you can put ‘fresh’ swingsets on layaway.”
“Stu? Is that ‘R-o-m-a-n P-o-l-a-n-s-k-i’ spelled out with baby rattles in the Arby’s parking lot? Is that someone’s email address?”
This story does make me question the definition of “advertising.” This guy obviously wasn’t advertising child porn in a way that we traditionally call advertising, but I’m guessing that him possessing it and sharing it with a group of people was enough for the prosecutors to add an advertising charge. The story doesn’t go into any detail about the advertising, so we’re left to wonder.
But in all seriousness, I’m glad they caught this guy. For all I know, he could be the one who shit on that Snickers wrapper. Unfortunately, the wrapper was too covered in feces for me to see the expiration date and determine the bar’s age.
Tagged as: philadelphia