The Backstreet Boys Owe These People

October 14, 2009
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After the dramatic decline in the Backstreet Boys popularity with sexual predators between the ages of 30 and 70, a decline blamed solely on Kevin Richardson, the “follow you into the bathroom” Backstreet Boy, leaving the band, the Backstreet Boys need all the publicity they can get. That Nick Carter is getting older by the [...]

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Louisville, Ky Is A City That Makes The Penis Work

October 13, 2009
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Louisville is a city best known for horse racing, a strangely pronounced name, and the highest erection rate in the United States. What?  Yeah, I just found out about that last one. If I had known about it sooner, I would have went there on Spring Break in college instead of drinking rum and not [...]

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The Ad Ralph Lauren Doesn’t Want You To See

October 9, 2009
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Since I get all my clothing from unguarded machines at the laundromat, I’m not down with the latest fashion. Is flannel still in? It is getting cold out. All my fashion knowledge comes from advertising, so I was shocked to hear that Ralph Lauren was handing out DMCA takedown notices to websites showing a Ralph [...]

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Adrien Brody Expands His Brand With ‘Predators’ Role

October 8, 2009
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Actors are their own brands. The roles they play help to reinforce or change these brands. Adrien Brody decided he no longer wanted his brand to be synonymous with Cure albums and questionable sexuality, so he took the leading role as a badass, bowie-knife fellating mercenary in the upcoming Predators film. A lot of people [...]

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Parents Angry At Wrong Aspect Of Camel Orbs Mints

October 7, 2009
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According to this article, adults are concerned that new Camel Orbs mints target kids. The new nicotine mints are being marketed as an alternative to smoking and as a solution to the increasing difficulty of contracting saliva cancer. The people who say that the mints attract kids have a few good points: It’s in a [...]

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3 Ways To Market A Small Business After A Dinosaur Attack

October 6, 2009
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It’s funny to think of a dinosaur attack as a beneficial occurrence, but, if marketed correctly, it can be very helpful to a small business. There are risks involved; the insurance companies I contacted were reluctant to offer coverage for dinosaur attacks. Most even refused to cover flood damage when I used the phrase “flood [...]

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ABC News Demonstrates The Importance Of Photo Selection

October 5, 2009
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ABC News has a story linked from Google News titled “3 Americans Share 2009 Nobel Medicine Prize.” The headline isn’t that bad, even if it doesn’t contain any mention of Godzilla. ABC was smart to include “Americans” in the title, so people click on the article just to find out how three Americans won anything [...]

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Budweiser’s Ale Finder Helps The Internet Find Beer

October 2, 2009
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The Ale Finder, a beautiful union of technology and utility, fills a niche for people who need the Internet to figure out how to get drunk. Using space-aged mapping technology and what I can only assume are sophisticated malt sensors, the Ale Finder shows users the closest spot to purchase cool, refreshing Budweiser Ale. The [...]

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Can Michael Vick Win Back Nike?

October 1, 2009
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Michael Vick, the football player who served time in prison for unnecessary canine roughness, used to have an endorsement deal with Nike. Now that Vick is playing football again, his agent, Mike Principe, announced that Vick was back with Nike in a mutually beneficial agreement that this time didn’t involve anyone going to prison. The [...]

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Tips On Advertising Your Homemade Furry Sex Doll

September 30, 2009
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Say what you want about people who enjoy having sex with stuffed animals, at least they’re bold enough to follow their dreams. Some would say that these dreams are the easiest to achieve out of all dreams as all you need is a stuffed animal with a hole in it. I tend to agree with [...]

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