In a classy move, Sprint waits an entire five days before sending out a press-release that brags about how well their 3G network handled Michael Jackson’s death. To be fair, the ambulance company that transported Jackson to the hospital forced Sprint’s hand with a competing press-release titled “The Ambulance Company Michael Jackson Could Depend On Even If Things Didn’t Turn Out The Greatest.”
Sprint, obviously heartbroken over the singer’s death, but able to squeeze some alliteration in to their press-release’s title through the tears, stated that “Through it all, Sprint’s 3G network – America’s most dependable – stood firm and strong.”
Is this really the road we want to go down here, Sprint? Through it all? Let’s see the video of everyone at Sprint headquarters holding candles and listening to a muffled loop of “Thriller.” Be sure to cut right before showing the bank of wall-mounted LCDS displaying the sky-rocketing sales figures.
The press-release wouldn’t be so bad if Sprint didn’t come off as some rock-solid entity trying to fill the void left by Jackson’s death. The phrases “Thanks to Sprint’s steady and strong Now Network,” “stood firm and strong,” and “The songs are transferred over the air quickly and reliably,” are code for “Jackson went and died on you, but Sprint’s powerful, dependable, awesome 3G network will never die, will never leave you. Our crystal-clear 3G network probably sounds better than a live Michael Jackson concert, which, by the way, there won’t be any more of. And even if there were, Jackson’s concerts weren’t anywhere near as affordable as our 3G service.”
Stay-tuned for Sprint’s next press-release about unstoppable network uptime during Jackson’s funeral service.
