Every time a Netflix movie arrives, a piece of paper needs to get removed from the top of the envelope to get at the movie. When I lived in a house with wood stove, I used this scrap paper to start the stove. This probably released a bunch of chemicals into the air from Netflix’s red dye meeting flame, but I didn’t mind because I always wanted to sprout a dedicated masturbation tentacle.
One woman came up with her own solution for these scrap Netflix sheets. And I truly believe that it takes a special person to turn hideous Netflix garbage into wallpaper for a room that isn’t being used to torture suspected terrorists. This lady voluntarily uses a room that looks like it should be featured on a TLC program about mental illness. I wish I was made from such stern stuff.
She dusts by setting the walls on fire.
I’m not really getting her abstract style. Would it have killed her to put the envelopes on the wall in some kind of uniform manner? This random arranging of the envelopes looks like it was done by some kid she locked in the room with a stack of Netflix envelopes and a bottle of caffeine pills. Maybe we’re witnessing a new child punishment technique. We can’t tell from the picture, but first she makes the kid watch a bunch of shitty Netflix rentals.
I wonder how she designed the rest of her house:
“Let’s go check out the kitchen. If you didn’t notice, I designed the walls in a ramen noodle motif. The technique is pretty simple: First I made my kid eat a bunch of ramen noodles. Oh, he liked it at first, but then I made him eat them dry. Next, I made the kid glue all the ramen packages to the walls of the kitchen. Finally, I sprayed industrial strength epoxy over the whole mess. I think it’s really added to the resale value.”
“This is the spare bedroom or “study” as my husband calls it when he isn’t making up excuses to be away from his house that I’ve turned into a dream Willy Wonka had that time he almost died from eating poisoned snuffle cherumps from the forest of sugar snot. If you look at the floor, you’ll notice I shredded a bunch of subscription renewal cards from Time magazine, mixed the shredded paper with mashed potato mix, and then spackled the floor in a cross-hatch pattern. The final touch is a random spattering of roach corpses after they came to eat the potato and got caught in my sticky web of design ingenuity!”
Maybe I’m being unfair. The room could look worse. I’m thinking about a way the room could look worse.
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Maybe this woman has watched one too many home design shows. I have to think the designers learn something from their education but, quite frankly, I have seen them do rooms worse than this one. Too tired to recycle? Feel too guilty to just throw them out? Who knows. I don’t get what burning them has to do with masturbation though.