That title is misleading. I didn’t actually replace this post with Fruit by the Foot. I can’t just go wasting Fruit by the Foot on random Mediabane posts. What would I eat for Thanksgiving dinner?
This Fruit by the Foot commercial makes me want to replace a bunch of stuff in my life with Fruit by the Foot. Instead of throwing away the stuff I don’t need, I could just turn it into Fruit by the Foot and work on gaining the weight needed to make my bony ass not hurt when I sit on flat surfaces.
That was obviously the kid on the left’s first Fruit by the Foot duel. Most professional Fruit by the Foot duelers that I know lead off with “I’ve replaced your tongue with Fruit by the Foot.” Without the power of voice, the other person can’t replace something on your body with Fruit by the Foot.
Of course, that strategy only works if you win the coin toss. You could lose the coin toss and get your own tongue replaced. This is why I always carry index cards and a sharpie marker. Just make sure you don’t replace your opponent’s eyes with Fruit by the Foot or you’ll fuck yourself.
The kid on the left made the rookie mistake of trying to point out how much he ruined his opponent’s life by turning his fingers to Fruit by the Foot. He had to rub it in his opponent’s face that that guitar would never again produce music. How do you play guitar with Fruit by the Foot fingers? You don’t. Based on the bleak surroundings, that kid had nothing else to do besides vacuum with that soviet-made vacuum cleaner or play USSR battle hymns on the guitar.
A Fruit by the Foot battle should never become personal. Emotions cloud your judgment. The kid on the left could have won that duel, but now the winner is eating pieces of his face. It’s a hard lesson to learn.
