Are you tired of being bullied? Are constant beatings making it hard for you to participate in after school activities like Eyeshadow Club and Abacus Team? Do you hate the use of your legs? Don’t worry. I found a video that should help put you into a coma so you never have to worry about those things ever again.
This thing looks legit even though it is completely ridiculous. I’m guessing that the people who made this immediately founded a start up company to manufacture and sell kid coffins.
It’s safe to assume that the music playing in the beginning is coming directly out of that big kid’s shirt.
“We should call you Dumbo. I mean, look at your ears!”
“Yeah, elephant ears!”
I appreciate how the video doesn’t display bullies as a cliche bunch of mindless idiots. These bullies obviously have a complex knowledge of pop culture.
There are some parts of this thing that aren’t to be missed. I’m going to do some commentary on a couple choice frames.
He's getting bullied right there! SAVE HIM.
This little prick is more concerned with his PSA career than helping one of his own. He could have at least hit the little bully with that book before the big bully made him and the other nerd make out.
This is an example of a gang kid. Look at those Dockers. You only get a pair of those after turning in forty enemy ears.
This kid is supposedly wearing gang clothing. Was there some 90′s Freddy Krueger gang that I don’t know about?
“No one understands our scary ability to manipulate the dreams of B-list actors”
She's teaching him how to apply product.
Her tip here is “be careful not to grab the hair loosely, it will make the hair-pull less effective.” So these kids can’t even pull hair correctly? This is starting to sound less like bullying and more like natural selection.
Buuuuuullllllyyyyy SLAP.
She calls this a “slap,” but it’s more of a “crushing elbow to the skull.” I guess calling it a slap is a good defense when the police ask you why so and so is in the ER getting wire threaded through his cheek.
“I barely slapped him, Officer!”
High socks distract the bully, much like a zebra's stripes.
Her line here is “don’t rollover on your stomach because the bully will grab your head and bounce it off the sidewalk.” That’s the actual line. I don’t have anything to say.
A magazine? Is this guy Jason Bourne?
The good thing about carrying around a magazine is that you’ll have something to read in the hospital. …Unless the bully takes out your eyes. If that’s the case, let’s hope you didn’t try to defend yourself with your walkman.
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