Pedophilia isn’t a very popular topic. If you try bringing it up while standing in line at the bank or at the next baby shower you attend, you’ll see what I mean. I always thought it was a pretty major concern and high on the radar of most adults. But apparently some people still haven’t been educated enough about pedophilia, so the rest of us have to deal with anti-pedophilia advertising.
I like how the ad starts off with a kid on the carpet pushing a little truck and ends with him giving a blow job. Talk about a twist. Did M. Night Shyamalan make these ads?
This kid must be some kind of honor student because I couldn’t play with a toy truck and go down on some dude at the same time. I have a hard enough time checking emails while listening to music; my concentration is always flipping from one to the other.
Do you think that guy purchased that office chair just for this particular situation? It must have been difficult to tell the store clerk exactly what he wanted without giving everything away:
“I need a chair that I can roll into a room really quick and then roll out again if I hear Peter’s mo… Peter’s Mortgage calling. That’s the company I work for — Peter’s Mortgage. Also, do you have any chairs that lower down to the height of a …. .. of a small dog, so I can easily pet him while I do my work. My work for Peter’s Mortgage.”
No wonder Annie is a afraid of the dark — look at all those terrifying stuffed animals bubbling out of her dresser. Why are they climbing out of the drawers like that? It’s an infestation. Speaking of the stuffed animals, do you think the Winnie the Pooh people paid a little coin to appear in this ad? It seems like a risky gamble because it could make people identify Winnie the Pooh with pedophilia, but that Christopher Robin character already wasn’t helping that situation. Why do you think Eeyore’s so sad all the time? I bet Christopher Robin knows why Eeyore’s tail keeps “falling” off.
And who was that silhouette model? From where I’m sitting, it looks a little like Jakob Dylan from The Wallflowers. I’m not saying that Jakob Dylan is a pedophile, but he must be doing something to deal with the stress of sucking more than his 70 year old father.
I don’t really understand the copy in these ads — “turn off the lights and help Emily overcome her fear of the dark.” That sounds like a terrible idea. These kids are obviously being molested by glow-in-the-dark apparitions of some sort, isn’t turning off the lights just asking for trouble?
Doctor: “Yeah, just snap off the lights. She’ll scream for a while, but eventually she’ll run out of energy and pass out. After a couple nights of that, her vocal chords will be too ravaged to produce any noise, so you should be able to get some sleep.
Parents: “….that sounds horrible.”
Doctor: “Horrible? Now that’s interesting. I never thought of it like that.”