Colgate is tried of handing out little tubes of toothpaste to people who just throw them away or keep a couple in a drawer somewhere because it seems wrong to throw them away. Someone at Colgate decided to try something new, something that would really grab people’s attention.
Colgate now hands out ice cream and candy instead of brushing miniatures. The catch is that the sticks used for the ice cream and candy resemble large toothbrushes with “Don’t Forget” written on them. Basically, when people get down to the raw stick, a big, useless toothbrush tells them they just covered their teeth with corrosive sugar.
Look at that confused smile. She must think "Don't Forget" is a 9/11 reference.
That's better. She saw that toothbrush, linked it to bedtime, and panicked.
The Fear Game
I don’t blame Colgate for getting in on the fear game. These days, everyone is doing it: terrorists, republicans, Amazon.com when they announced that Dan Brown had written another book. It’s a popular strategy that helps people choose things because they don’t want something bad to happen.
But what group of sick fucks decided to plant toothbrushes under snacks? First of all, there’s no way any respectable toothbrush would carry around an ice cream bar just to pop out after the ice cream is eaten, yell “surprise,” and remind the person to brush. Toothbrushes don’t get along with anything that’s delicious. That’s why we keep them locked in the bathroom as far away from Oreos and taffy as possible.
What’s even more of an insult is that the toothbrush-sticks Colgate used aren’t even functional. Oh, thanks for reminding me to brush my teeth, Colgate. I’ll just use this filthy sugar-slicked twig to scrape away anything in my mouth that might be hospitable for plaque. I wonder how many EMTs have had to pull bloody-mouthed kids out of public bathrooms.
“LET ME GO. I DIDN’T GET THE BACK. I DIDN’T GET THE BACK.”
“MR. CAVITY IS TESTING ME.”
Other Products
I hope we don’t start seeing other companies pulling similar stunts with their products. I plan on sitting in front of the TV later, and now I think there’s a chance that my couch could spit out a Gold’s Gym branded free-weight. I’ll have a hell of a time dragging it to the trash.
Do you think people would be insulted if they smoked a pack of cigarettes and found a Nicoderm patch at the bottom? Or do you think smokers would just save the patches for times when they couldn’t smoke cigarettes, like while giving birth or delivering a eulogy.
I doubt we’ll see any useful implementations of this idea. We’re years away from the technology needed to make blood-testing kits fall out of the anus or vagina immediately after unprotected sex. Something would need to be in place to determine if a condom was worn — a robot or monitor that can sense if the sex was enjoyable. And then there’s the kit itself. Would it need to be teleported in? Is this something that Cris Angel could “mindfreak” on a case by case basis?
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Dude.
This post = Total. Awesomeness.